I Will Try to Fix You
by OnlyPaily
Summary: This is based on the spoilers indicating Paige will have a meltdown in 3B and the roles between she and Emily will reverse. After yet another encounter with "A," Paige begins to crumble. If this is what being with Emily means, she begins to wonder if she's strong enough. Disclaimer: Contains partial lyrics to "Fix You" by Coldplay. I do NOT own this amazing song. REPEAT COLDPLAY


_When you try your best but you don't succeed..._

Paige kneeled, knees digging hard into the soft mud, staring straight ahead. The rain poured down in sheets. The earth beneath her loosened as her knees sank further; it might as well have given way completely. That's what it felt like. Like there was nothing solid, nothing to hold onto.

She stared at the ground for how long? She couldn't even tell. Things were starting to not feel real anymore. Her eyes began to move, quickly, frantically. She looked down at her hands, wet and pelted by the rain, covered in mud. She began to wring them in each other, wiping them on her pants, but there was mud everywhere. It wouldn't go away. Nothing would go away. This would never go away, would it? When this was done, there would just be something else, right?

"Paige!"

She heard the voice. Somewhere in her mind, she recognized it. Emily.

_When you get what you want but not what you need..._

She slowly turned her head. Through the sheets of rain she could see them. Soaking. Frantic. Worried. Together...all four of them. Running toward her, scared for her. She could see their mouths moving, shouting for her, but suddenly she couldn't hear a word they were saying. It's like they were moving in slow motion.

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep..._

_Stuck in reverse..._

A crash of lightning lit up the sky. The four figures blended together into one...one dark hooded figure. Paige tensed with fear. She blinked once, twice, a dozen times. The slim shadow moved toward her menacingly, hood masking any semblance of a face or identity. Paige forced her eyes closed tight.

"Paige!"

She held her muddy hands up to her ears, trying to block out the noise. The screams, the rain hitting the ground, the thunder. All she wanted was quiet.

The group ran together but as they reached nearer the frightened looking girl an instinct kicked into Emily and she pushed ahead, dropping down to crouch at Paige's level and sliding sideways into the mud, arms outstretched. She grabbed onto Paige with both hands, but instead of offering comfort, her touch seemed to terrify Paige. She ripped her hands from her ears and jerked away, screaming and swinging her arms violently.

"Paige! It's us!" Hanna shouted as the rest of the group got closer.

Spencer acted quickly, moving behind Paige and attempting to wrap her arms around her and stop her thrashing arms. "Paige. Shh. Stop." she attempted to whisper comfortingly. She dropped to her knees behind Paige, arms wrapped around her, protectively binding her arms to her side. "It's ok. It's just us. A is gone."

Paige was close to hyperventilation as she slowly opened her eyes. She glanced around. To the side she saw Hanna and Aria, drenched and staring at her with concern. Her eyes moved straight ahead. She saw Emily, weight rested on one knee, one leg outstretched to the side. She was breathing heavily from running all the way across the park. She stared intensely at Paige for some kind of reaction.

"Are you ok?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Paige stared back at her, scrunching her eyebrows, as if the question confused her.

"Paige answer me, please!" she reached forward with both hands, touching each sides of her face, but for the first time, Paige didn't feel pleasure or comfort in her touch; she felt pain and heartbreak. This was all too much.

She wrenched her face out of Emily's hands. Emily pulled back, offended but worried she had done something wrong. Paige began to wriggle out of Spencer's grasp.

"Paige, no!" Spencer protested. She tried to keep her grasp but they were both soaking wet and Paige was covered in mud. "Paige, please, stop! " It wasn't difficult for the athletic girl to writhe out of her wet hands. As soon as she did, she was on her feet and running.

Emily tried to stand and run after her, but slipped in the mud. Spencer grabbed her before she crashed to the ground.

"Paige!" she cried after her disappearing shadow. "Please talk to me!"

"Em. We'll find her."

"Come on guys." Hanna stepped forward. "The car. She can't move that fast on foot."

XXXXXX

Everything hurt. The muscles in her legs burned as she pushed harder to move faster with every step. Her heart thudded in her chest as if it were going to break straight through. Her lungs; it felt like she was breathing fire.

But she was too scared to stop. Scared of A. Was he...she...it behind her? Just like it was waiting for her tonight? If she stopped, would things go back to "normal"? Would this just happen again next week? If it does, can she go through it again?

If she stopped...would she have to face Emily? She thought she was strong. She thought she could protect her. What if she can't? What if she isn't enough? That was the scariest thing of all. She said she wouldn't leave Emily alone. She said she would stay by her side, but what if she can't handle all of this? What if she can't protect her?

Paige reached her house and took the few steps onto her front porch in one leap, crashing into her front door. She stayed there for a moment, leaning her head against the cold door, heaving breaths.

"I can't do this..." she whispered aloud to herself. She began to sob quietly. Her hand pressed against the door. Within moments, the sobs turned into full tears and her open palm slapped against the door in frustration, as if it were just another obstacle in her way. Her strength gave out and her body crumbled. She slid down the door until she was curled in a ball , leaning against it.

Spencer's SUV came to a screeching halt in front of Paige's house, sending a wave of water beneath the tires into the air.

"Em...there..." Spencer's eyes were fixed out the driver's side window. Everyone in the car looked.

Crumbled in a ball underneath the solitary beam of the porch light, leaned against the house, was Paige. Even from inside the car, they could see her body shaking. She was crying.

"She's not safe like that. Not after what happened." Spencer said, turning to look at Emily.

Emily just stared at her, her heart breaking. She grabbed the door handle to exit the car.

"Do you want us to wait?" Aria asked.

"No, you guys go home. I'll take care of her." Emily stated firmly. She exited the car. As Spencer pulled away, she moved quickly but quietly across the street and up to the house. She considered, for a moment, what to do, not wanting to startle her in any way. She finally decided it didn't matter. All she wanted to do was to hold Paige and to comfort her. Without another thought, she moved forward. She stepped up onto the porch and kneeled down next to Paige. She reached a hand out slowly, and gently placed it on her back.

"I'm here." she whispered in the softest voice she could.

Paige didn't move. She didn't speak. She remained tightly coiled in her ball.

"Please talk to me. Look at me...something..."

Paige raised her head. Through the dirt caked on her face, were streaks from her tears. Emily felt like she couldn't breathe. Paige, her strong soldier, looked at her like a terrified child.

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

Paige's lip trembled. "I can't do this..."

A look of fear and pain crossed Emily's face. She bit back a flow of tears and looked away. She didn't know what to think. What did Paige mean? Couldn't do what? Live in constant fear of having to fight for her life on a regular basis? Continue a relationship with her? Emily battled the sobs building in her throat. A had tried to take so much away from her already: tried to get her kicked off the swim team, outted her to her parents and gotten her first girlfriend sent away, taken away any chance of a "normal" life...now these constant battles were threatening to take Paige.

Emily clenched her teeth. She stood up and held out her hand. "Come with me."

...Not now. Not this...I won't let you take something else away from me...

Paige looked up at her from her balled up position, unsure.

"Come with me." Emily repeated herself firmly. Paige reached out and took her hand. She stood until she was face to face with Emily. Emily opened her front door and placed her other hand on the small of her back, guiding her inside.

XXXXXX

Paige stood with her back against the bathroom sink, looking down at the floor while Emily gently wiped the dirt and tears from her face with a damp washcloth. Emily stared at her with intent, while Paige continued to stare down, lost in thought, catatonic.

"What did I tell you about looking away?" Emily said with a sad smile. She hooked a finger under Paige's chin and lifted her head. Slowly but surely, Paige's eyes connected with hers again.

Emily sighed. "What did you mean back there? Out on the porch."

Paige stared back at her, unblinking. Her bottom lip trembled.

"I'm so scared, Emily. I've never been so scared in my life." she whispered, her voice shaking.

Emily looked down, wringing the washcloth in her hands, angry with herself.

"This is all my fault." she said.

"What?"

"This is all my fault. I brought all of this into your life. If it wasn't for me...God, Paige, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this. You shouldn't have to be scared."

Paige slowly shook her head.

"You don't understand. I've never been this scared before because I'm scared of...everything. I'm scared of A. I'm scared of me. I'm scared of you. I'm scared FOR you -"

"You're scared of me? What does that mean?" Emily took a step forward until there was almost no space between them.

"If it wasn't for you, Emily? Are you kidding me? Do you know what I was before you? If it wasn't for you, do you know where I would be? Because I don't. I have no idea which way I was going before you, but when you're around it's so clear...whatever way you go is where I want to be. "

Emily smiled, taking a deep, relieved breath.

"But that also scares the hell out of me." Emily's smile faded quickly. "Because I'm in, Emily. I'm all in, no questions asked. I will be there for you, every second of every day for whatever you need, whether it's a cup of coffee or help tracking down a psycho stalker but..."

"But it's too much for you..."

"I just don't know anymore." Paige shook her head, ashamed. "Emily, all I want is for you to be safe and protected. But I tried to protect you and I got kidnapped and locked in a closet. I tagged along for the adventures in 'A' tonight and I got attacked and I...I couldn't fight back...I want so badly to protect you and to keep you safe but I can't."

And the tears began to flow again. Paige couldn't control them. It was overwhelming, not just the fear anymore, but the knowledge that she couldn't keep her safe, that she wasn't enough.

"Paige - " Emily reached up to touch her face, to comfort her but, again, found her hands swatted away.

"No! I mean it!" Paige pushed her away. She moved away from the sink in an attempt to get away from Emily, but Emily wouldn't allow it. She grabbed Paige's hand and spun her back around to face her, wrapping her other hand around her waist to hold her in place.

"Paige, stop it! Talk to me!"

"You don't understand! I can't!" Paige choked through tears. "Emily, I love you so much and it's just not enough. It's not enough to protect you." she lowered her voice. "I'm not enough to protect you."

Emily's breath caught in her throat. Her legs went numb. It felt like the floor dropped out from beneath her. They hadn't said those words to each other yet. To be honest, Emily hadn't really thought that far. She knew she cared about Paige. She knew she cared so deeply it hurt sometimes. But now, standing in front of her, after all that they had been through together, watching the girl fall to pieces over her feelings for her and her need to keep her safe, only one thought ran through Emily's mind: I'm absolutely in love with this girl. At this realization she felt overwhelmed with a sudden warmth that started deep within the pit of her stomach and spread through her body from her head to her toes and all she wanted to do was to share that with Paige.

_And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth..._

Paige looked at her in absolute fear. She hadn't spoken in almost a full minute. She just stood, holding her close, and staring. Suddenly, the hand that held onto hers released her and Paige feared the worst. But instead, in one stride, Emily took a step forward, pressing her hip into Paige's and reaching her free hand to gently caress the side of Paige's face. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to Paige's, but it was anything but gentle. It was filled with need and desperation, but in the best way possible - not an empty need, a need to convey her emotions.

Emily slowly peeled her lips away, leaving Paige, eyes closed, lingering for more. After a moment, she allowed her eyes to open, her body breathless.

Emily allowed her face to remain a breath away from Paige's, her eyes trained on her lips and her hand still firm on her cheek. The grip of her other hand tightened on her waist.

"Listen to me very carefully." Her eyes moved from Paige's lips to her eyes, unblinking and serious. "I don't know what it is that you think I need. I don't know why you INSIST on trying to be some superhero for me. It's okay if you can't be strong for me because when that happens I can be strong for you. All you need to be is you because that's who I love, and that's who I need."

Paige choked out a sob and she couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Emily pulled her into a hug and held onto her tight. She stroked the back of her head while her body shook with sobs. But after a moment, Paige pulled away slightly.

"I'm sorry..." she said, shaking her head.

"About what?"

"I didn't..." she closed her eyes, angry with herself. "I didn't mean to say it like that." Emily furrowed her brow, confused. "That wasn't how I wanted to say it, not the first time."

Emily smiled, touched at the thought. She looked away bashfully for a moment before running her hands through Paige's hair. "It was perfect."

She stared at Paige for a moment, thoughtful. "Everything's perfect."

Paige gave a small smile and a light sigh. She shrugged and shook her head lightly. "I guess. I'm sorry, Em. This is just...a lot sometimes. I thought I could handle it. I didn't think it would break me like this. I -"

Paige was silenced by Emily's hand covering her mouth. Emily smiled at Paige's quizzical expression.

"No..." she said, shaking her head. She pulled her hand away. She took a gentle hold of Paige's hand and led her out of the bathroom to Paige's connected bedroom before turning back around to face her. She took a hold of her other hand. "I mean...everything's perfect."

Paige still wasn't quite sure she was understanding. Was Emily implying what she thought she was?

Emily placed Paige's hands around her own waist. She smoothed Paige's hair, still wet and clinging to her face, behind her ears and linked her own hands behind Paige's neck.

"We've never really talked about..."

Paige let out a heavy breath. She WAS implying what she thought she was.

"I think I've avoided talking about it." Paige let out a nervous chuckle.

Emily smiled. "Why?"

Paige pulled back slightly, running a hand through her wet hair. "Emily, I've never..."

Emily's face broke into a wide grin. She stepped forward, reclosing the space between them. "I know."

Paige smirked. "You know? I don't really know how I feel about that answer."

"Okay. I ASSUMED you hadn't with a guy. I KNEW you hadn't with a girl, considering I was the first girl you kissed."

Paige narrowed her eyes playfully. "Oh, you've given this some thought?"

Emily bit her lip and looked deep into her eyes, determined to answer her in a straightforward manner , playfulness aside. "I've thought about being with you."

Paige felt like she swallowed a mouthful of cotton. What seemed like a harmless admission spoke volumes. Emily thought about them together. She SPENT TIME thinking about this. Paige had daydreamed about such things. She fantasized about it, what it would be like. But she never pictured herself as someone that was fantasized about. And Emily just admitted to her that she's done just that.

Emily turned and took a few steps away. Even in the dim lighting of just her bedroom lamp, she could see a blush in Emily's cheeks. "There's always something happening, you know? There's always an ominous text message, or someone's being interrogated by the cops, or kidnapped, or run over by a car. It's just...when I thought about being with you, about us being together, for the first time, for any time...I don't want it to have anything to do with that stuff. I want a part of my life that that stuff doesn't touch because it's like when I'm with you...it feels like that stuff doesn't hurt me. And I kept thinking about how everything has to be perfect for it to happen but that whole idea is so stupid and juvenile because there's always going to be something."

"So what? You just gave up on the idea of perfect?"

Emily shrugged. "Didn't have to. I have you." She grinned, that Emily grin that makes Paige melt and give her whatever she wants. Emily slowly moved forward until she was a breath away from Paige. She stood there, eyes fixed onto Paige's lips, making her want and intentions clear. Paige's breath quickened at her proximity and the clarity of her actions. "If you don't feel ready, you can stop me."

Paige, instead, dropped her head and devoured Emily's lips in a kiss. Emily's response was immediate. She wrapped her arms around the back of Paige's neck, pulling their bodies together as tight as they could get, tangling her hand into Paige's wet hair.

Paige pulled away for a moment, breaking the seal of their mouths, each breathing heavily.

"Is everything all right? Are you okay?" Emily demanded, worried.

Paige looked embarrassed. She needed to say something, but it wasn't coming out.

"What?"

She sighed. "Just...can we go slow? I don't really..."

Emily smiled at her sweetly. In response she simply took her hand and led her toward the bed, easing her down.

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you..._


End file.
